Journey of Grace-To Strive or Not to Strive

This past week I have been thinking a lot about striving.  I think it all started with I received my most recent copy of the Christian Book Distributors catalogue.  As I looked through the books offered I was struck by how many books there were on how to live the Christian life.  There were so many book blurbs that would say how by following the steps outlined in this book would help you feel closer to the Lord or help you overcome a certain addiction or gain a sense of peace and purpose in this crazy world.  Oh my! 

How many of these books have we all read?  I can just look at my bookshelf and quickly see 10 or more.  I do not think that the authors of these books are trying to frustrate the believer and I heartily believe that the author’s intention is to bring freedom and joy.  I know that they have written these books out of a sincere desire to see people set free.   My question is, have these truly worked for me?  The answer, is that no they have not.  In fact, they have brought frustration and hopelessness so many times.

I have spent so much of my life striving “to be” that I am tired.  I have strived to be a person who is selfless, considerate, likeable, and compassionate because my grandmother told me I wasn’t and would never have friends.  I have striven to loose weight and be “healthy”.  I have striven to be a good wife, a good mother, a good…..   I have spent the last 30 years of my life trying to be someone else, someone who is better than ME!

First of all I have come to realize that what my grandmother told me about myself was not true. Those things that I once strived so desperately to create in myself were already there.  The Lord created me this way and put those things in me.  As for all those other things I worked endlessly to create in my life, well I wanted to have those attributes in me because then I felt that I could be judged OK.  If I could create those things in my life then I would be able to hear the Lord say “Well done my good and faithful servant.”  That is what I longed to hear Papa God say to me and until those things were changed in me then there was no way I would ever hear Him utter such things.  It was up to me to work this out in my life.

I guess one of the verses that really helped me get caught into this cycle was Philippians 2:12 “Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling;” I felt like Paul was telling me, “Work it out girlfriend!”  I tried!  I would follow the steps lined out in these books, I would journal about my shortcomings, I would ask people to pray for me, I would memorize and recite certain Scriptures, and I would fast to try to bring about the changes I wanted or thought that I needed to make.

It is interesting that lately I have stopped skimming over verse 13 of this passage.  It says, “For it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.”  Wow, that really is something powerful.  It is God who works in me both to want to do what He wants and to cause me to do what he wants.  He will do all this in me-that is so freeing!  I think of in Hebrews when it says Jesus will write His words on our hearts and put them in our minds.  He also has given us all we need for life and godliness.  That once I understood that it is God working in me to will and do His good pleasure and that these other verses started making a lot of sense.

I feel like that in the last six months I have had a much lighter heart and a freedom and I have seen some pretty awesome changes in myself.  First, I have stopped focusing on how I have failed God.  In those areas where I have struggled I have switched my focus onto who God is and that He has given me to live.  The more I focus on the character of God, on who Jesus is in the fulfilling the law and thanking on the punishment of all sin, that He conquered that punishment through His resurrection, that I am a co-heir with Him, that I have the mind of Christ, that He has given me all I need for life and godliness, and the list can go on.  I see the pull of my weakness lessen and my struggle diminish.

This all comes out of repentance.  I have come to understand that repentance is more than an about face from sin but more of a change of mind about who God is, what He has done, and who I am because of this.  Our pastor teaches about this often, and knowing that my sins (past, present, and future) were forgiven on the cross has definitely changed my mind about the character of Papa God.  The thought that He has given me all I need to accomplish His good pleasure has freed me from trying to be good in my own strength.  My mind is no longer focused on my worthlessness but on His abundance of grace that is far and away greater than anything I can image.  Let’s face it, other world religions teach that if a person is good enough he will get a reward for his behavior and enter paradise.  We get so much more than that with our wonderful Papa God.  He canceled the punishment of sin through Christ, He gives us what we need to live godly, and we are much loved and highly valued children of the living God.  This is what I have been focusing on and the things I used to wish changed are changing.  I know that Papa has said what I have longed to hear.  I have believed God and the One He sent and have heard Him say, “Well done my good and faithful servant!" 

The Starting Point-How It All Began!

This is a blog about my journey with Papa God and the things He is showing me about who Jesus is, what He has done, and who I am because of this truth.  I have been in church all of my life and accepted the gift of salvation at an early age.  I never felt close to God though.  I remember writing a poem about being in heaven.  Christ was on a throne in the center of the room and was enveloped in bright light.  People were coming up to Him, talking to Him, laughing with Him, sitting in His lap, and enjoying Him.  I saw myself as standing as far away from Him, in the dark, afraid He would notice me.  I belonged in heaven, Christ’s blood had bought that for me, but I felt I could not approach Him.  I was jealous of those who were close to Him and I thought if I changed some way then He would notice me.

Three years ago a dear friend gave me a verse from the Bible, written out on an index card, as my birthday present.  It was Zephaniah 3:17 “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."  She felt Papa God wanted to show me that this is how He feels about me and that He wanted to change my life.  That verse popped up everywhere during the year and it always shocked me.  By the end of the year I was calling out to Papa to show me this truth, help me to claim it and accept that it was for me.

There were some books that He brought into my life that opened my eyes.  The first book is The Shack.  That was so powerful.  The first several chapters were hard to get through, but the rest of the book was so wonderful.  I like what my husband says about the book.  “After you get through the yucky stuff at the beginning, it is like having a big warm hug from God.”  He was so right.  Destined to Reign by Joseph Prince is the second book that really opened my eyes to the truth about who I am in Christ.

It has been an amazing journey; this coming to a place where I know the amazing love that Papa God has for me.  It has changed me in so many ways.  I have gone from the girl hiding from Papa, to a girl who boldly climbs into His lamp and talks to Him, laughs with Him, cries on His shoulder, and accepts that I am loved by Him.  It has made me think of something I heard in church growing up.  When the pastor would share about salvation, he would always say “If you were the only one to accept this gift of salvation, Christ would still have come and paid the price for you.  He loves you that much.”  For the first time in my life that made sense, it rang true, and I felt free.

One of the things that have been fun in this journey is looking at Scripture.  It is so wonderful to see how this relationship is something that Papa God has wanted to have with man since the beginning of time.  I am seeing over and over in the Old Testament God longing to have an intimate loving relationship with us.  One example is the book of Jonah.  I have never understood Jonah.  Just recently, though, I read it to my girls for school and I GOT IT!  God wants to show His love and mercy through His relenting of punishing Nineveh.  There are other examples but I won’t mention them now.

I want to share my journey into the love and grace of my Papa God to encourage others to seek a first hand revelation from God.  This is a thought shared by a visiting pastor at church this morning.  God wants to reveal Himself to us through His Word.  I love the definition of His Word as it is in John 1:1.  In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. Then in verse 14 it says that the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.  That is Jesus.  Looking at the Scriptures with eyes and heart looking for Jesus and His finished work on the cross and been eye opening and freeing.  It is all about Jesus!  I am so amazed by the love Papa God has for me, Cindy Smith. 

I hope that sharing my journey will encourage each one who reads this to start a their own journey.  Papa God is waiting to give you His love and lavish His grace on you.  Blessings